In that Space.

I don’t feel the need to persuade anyone into believing in a higher power.  That’s not my responsibility. Attempting to talk others into having faith beyond that which greets our naked eye each day here on earth is too heavy a weight for any human to bear.

Many years ago, I discovered that an innate peace and love live within me at all times. Even when I experience legitimate crisis, even when my heart is shattered and the loss or suffering of the ones I love most becomes so unbearable that my physical body breaks out into hives and I cannot look at the hands on a clock and make sense of the time.  Yes.  That actually happened when I lost my Dad just 8 months ago on this very day.

Even in the darkest times, there’s a speck of light that lives within me. It’s a place of hope, of peace, of happiness and love.  It is the place where God lives within me.

When I discovered that space, it wasn’t because some other human convinced me that it exists. And when I retreat back to that speck of light in times of darkness, it’s not because some other human leads me there.  I discovered that space on my own while sitting on an empty beach on the Gulf Coast many years ago.

I discovered that space because I needed it, desperately.

I revisit that space because I allow myself to go there, frequently.

I’m grateful to have discovered this path that leads back to that forever home within.  It keeps me from trying to find something else, somewhere else, outside of myself.  Peace lives within us. Peace is love.  Love is God.

So all of that is pretty deep for a simple blog post, right?

Well, our community, our friends have been privy to some pretty deep suffering in recent weeks. This suffering caused me to pause, to retreat to that space.  It made me contemplate how deeply I want everyone to feel love.  It made me realize how deeply I want everyone to discover that speck of light that lives within. I want my children to know that peace.  I want my friends and family to know that warmth.  Yet, how presumptuous of me!  What right do I have to assume my space, my path, my speck of light shines the same as everyone else’s?

I always encourage my kids to just “feel whatever you feel” and to observe it with an open heart. Sit with it.  Let it come and let it go. Somehow, it feels like those are the moments that might forge a path to that space within, whatever that individual space may look like or feel like for them.

This existence of sacred space is a mystery to which I do not have the answers.  A door to which – although I believe exists within each of us – I do not hold the key for anyone else, but myself.







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